At our recent winter parenting workshop, we had the opportunity to learn from Susan O’Brien, our social services consultant here at CCNS. Susan is a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience. With a background in special education and extensive work in pediatric and preschool settings, Susan offers invaluable support to families navigating the challenges of raising young children. As a mother of four, including a set of triplets, she understands sibling dynamics firsthand. She provides in-home consulting services seven days a week, helping families with everything from potty training and nutrition to anxiety and managing sibling rivalry.
Understanding Sibling Rivalry
Conflict is a natural part of family life, but how we respond to it shapes our children’s relationships. Susan emphasized that positive discipline, a method championed by Dr. Jane Nelsen, centers on kindness and guidance rather than punishment. Key strategies include:
- Establishing Clear Family Rules: Simple, consistent rules like “Hands on your own body” and “Use kind words” help set expectations.
- Family Meetings: Regular check-ins allow space for children to express feelings, acknowledge positive behaviors, and reinforce values.
- Modeling Healthy Interactions: Children learn from watching us. Staying calm, using respectful communication, and demonstrating conflict resolution skills set the tone for their behavior.
- Spending One-on-One Time: Devoting 20 minutes a day to each child, where they lead the activity, strengthens bonds and reduces attention-seeking behaviors.
- Encouraging Cooperation Over Competition: Avoid comparisons and instead highlight individual strengths. For example, praise a child for helping a sibling rather than focusing on who did something better.
Connection Over Consequences
Rather than punitive measures, Susan advocates for logical consequences and repair. If a child damages a toy, guiding them to fix or replace it teaches responsibility. When conflict arises, narrating emotions—”You look frustrated”—helps children develop communication skills.
Free community-wide parent workshops are one of the key ways in which CCNS supports our families. We enjoyed both this and our fall workshop on challenging behaviors with The Hangout Spot. Stay tuned for the announcement on our spring workshop!
Ultimately, sibling rivalry is normal, but fostering a home environment rooted in kindness, respect, and connection lays the foundation for lifelong positive relationships.
For personalized support, you can reach Susan O’Brien at (203) 216-8824 or via email at Sobriensearch@cs.com.